Is it Thumb Wars?

By riding the bus with a reckless disregard for situational awareness apparently.

I felt like all of my various appendages retracted into my body all at once.

This is the lesson that I have learned today and in the hardest of ways.

You’ve missed your calling as an author of horror novels.

That’s somehow worse than a carpeted bathroom.

The having my eyeballs directly coughed on in the middle of listening to a rambling narrative is probably what startled me most about kids, but I do love all the kids in my family regardless.

That’s a hard choice, but I think sticky is less concerning based on my limited understanding of the nature of various body fluids.

I don’t have much to add, aside from the fact that I love this post. I’m just here for my obligatory check in.

It’s about one burger and four sliders.

Please don’t insult the noble gram by comparing it the filthy ounce. It won’t help anyway. You have to use objects. Just tell them the pot weighed about 3 decks of poker cards, was about a slimjim in diameter and had a volume capacity of a medium bottle of coke.

“How much gram?”

I’m going to be quoting that for a long time.

I’ll honor the final wishes of the dead man: no empathy for Charlie Kirk. It’s not really consistent with my moral code, but his family is going through a lot right now, and I’m sure they’d appreciate anyone who pays tribute to his values, right?

How about kilo-klick?

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To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they’re ovulating.

His name is Mr. MacGuffin, but we call him “Guffy” for short.

Zuckerberg charges Zuckerberg with crime. Jury shrugs, offers death penalty.

The weirdest thing is that it wouldn’t be the first time a party has sued itself.